I’m feeling so sorry for myself…

So, I’ve spent the day in bed nursing my torn calf muscle. I slept and ate and did a modified workout to help me from going insane. I also made the mistake of stepping on the scales which made me cry. I have honestly never been this heavy before and I feel like I’m in a dark hole that is impossible to get out of. I don’t look obese, but I also don’t like the way I look naked. It’s depressing.

Today I did a modified version of the WOD “Black Jack”

20-1 push ups alternating with 1-20 abmat sit ups. 

It was modified by doing knee push ups instead of real push ups. Kind of glad as that’s a lot of push ups - and even T-Rex doesn’t like push ups…

I did something stupid today and had a bowl of honey nut cheerios without milk. I don’t know why I did that. Oh yeah I do - I’m stupid.

BREAKFAST:

2 whole eggs cooked in coconut oil, 1/2 cup fresh raspberries

SNACK:

a few slices deli ham, raw almonds

LUNCH:

bowl of honey nut cheerios without milk

SNACK:

a few slices deli ham with 1/4 avocado 

DINNER:

1 cup butternut squash soup

CLEARLY not enough veggies. I don’t even count the soup as veggies. I was just feeling so off and am writing this whole day off. Starting completely fresh again tomorrow. I should be able to go back into the box as my calf is feeling slightly better. I’ll most likely need to modify movements that put pressure on it.

Crap…

So, my eating went pretty well. Still not considered 100% “clean” but I still consider it healthy eating. 

The crap part is in reference to my workout…

I went in to the gym all ready and pumped up for the WOD. During the warm up, we were doing these different hop things on this kind of hop scotch ladder. All of a sudden, I felt my calf cramping up. I sat down and rolled it out, massaged it, did a calf stretch and yet it wasn’t going away. The bloody thing hurt like a mofo when I walked. My coach told me it seemed like I had a minor tear in my calf and all I could do is heat and ice it and just do different movements. By this time, I was no longer warm and it was time to go home. So alas, no workout for me. At least I ran for my warm up as well as a bunch of double unders and stretching… But due to my injury, I won’t be able to run or jump for the rest of the week I’d say. Ugh.

BREAKFAST:

2 whole eggs cooked in coconut oil, 1 cup fresh raspberries with 1/4 cup of plain greek non fat yoghurt

SNACK:

1/4 cup plain greek non fat yoghurt, 1/2 apple, some raw almonds

LUNCH:

a dozen mini peppers tossed in EVOO and roasted, 4 slices deli ham

SNACK:

1/2 apple, some raw almonds

DINNER:

1 cup butternut pumpkin soup, some red grapes

I’ve found that I’m not eating as much as I usually do. I don’t know why. I’ve also found that my sweet tooth has decided to come back into my life. Of course, all of the Halloween candy the kids brought home doesn’t help. I actually had a mini almond joy - BUT I spat it out when I realized what a dumb idea that would be on day 1 of all days. 

Today was a busy day. I didn’t actually get to work out at a gym because I had to go into Denver for my apprenticeship and then straight back to work with the kids. I didn’t finish work until 6pm and the last CrossFit class is 6pm. I decided to do a little workout at home to make up for it:

5 ROUNDS:

50 high knees

30 abmat sit ups

20 squats

20 push ups

I’m still hurting from yesterday’s workout - THAT was brutal (1000m row / 75 wall balls / 500m row / 25 pull ups followed by 5 min rest and then 5-5-5 heavy deadlift) so I probably could have done this workout faster if I was fresh.

My eating was pretty good. I just can’t seam to get off peanut butter. I like almond butter, but I LOVE peanut butter. At least I used the all-natural 100% peanut butter, but I know that for clean eating I need to make the switch. Tomorrow I shall cut it out. At least try to…

BREAKFAST:

2 whole eggs fried with a bit of coconut oil, 1 cup fresh berries

SNACK:

hand full of carrot sticks and some raw almonds

LUNCH:

1 cup of carrot/butternut squash/ginger soup

SNACK:

celery sticks with natural peanut butter and a few raisins 

DINNER:

1 cup of carrot/butternut squash/ginger soup and a few slices of deli ham and almonds

Not too bad, but I know that I consumed waaaaay too much fat with the nut products. I am just trying to get back into the swing of things and am determined to get there. Tomorrow is going to be even better. I just hope I don’t get snowed in and can’t get to the gym!!

So I’ve been a little off track this past month. I don’t know what happened to be honest, but I ended up re-gaining the weight I lost AND I gained extra weight. Seriously - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

November is a new month for me. I am off to Chicago for a weekend in 2 weeks and I hope to loose the 10 pounds I re-gained. I know I can do it, because I did just that back in August. I am also heading back in New York for New Years and will be seeing a lot of people that I haven’t seen since July. Some of these people include men that I want to go “WOW” when they see me. I wish to loose a total of 20 pounds by Christmas. I am also heading back home to Australia in June and I REFUSE to be heavier than when I left. When I go home, I wish to be 155 pounds. I am currently 175. I cried when I saw that number on the scales…

So I shall be posting my progress daily once again. I am going to continue with CrossFit 5 times a week and also add running 2-3 times a week. I will be eating clean and eliminating alcohol and coffee. 

Enough is enough. It’s time to really buckle down and get results that last. This is it for me. I can’t continue to live life disappointed in myself.

Day one begins tomorrow…

So… With my extra workload which has messed up my eating habits and sleeping patterns, I’ve actually GAINED 5 of the 10 pounds I lost. Ugh. So frikkin frustrating!! I had a week off to give my body a rest as I injured myself and I wasn’t performing well. My eating remained paleo, but zone went out the window when I was filming. I ate a whole lot of nuts and fruits to get me though and my main meal started to be at 2am. Working on a production set is full on and it’s very hard to keep track with your nutrition and diet, especially since it’s all catered for and more like “whatever you can eat when you have a chance to eat it”

On the plus side, my strength has become a lot better, as has my speed and endurance. I have signed up for 3 races for the remainder of the year. Why? I don’t have a friggin clue. But I signed up and paid for them in bulk and now it’s locked in. I’m sure it’s because my subconscious wanted the t-shirts… Anyway, I’m doing a 5k for Halloween called the Eerie Erie which is done in my town here in Colorado. You run it in costume. I’ll be a pirate. Should be fun! The next one will be the Turkey Trot. That one is actually a 10k! I know I’ll be walking quite a bit of it seeing my running is atrocious, but I will do my best regardless. The final race is a 5k for Christmas. Again done in costume. Should be interesting as there will most like have snow on the ground by then. So because of these races, I’m trying to run outside every day. I found my 1.5 mile turnaround mark, so I know once I run there and back without stopping, I’ll be fine for the 5k. Right now, I can do between 1.5-2 miles non stop. I’ll gradually build it up until I can do the 3 miles non stop. Once I can do that, I plan on running to Conviction CrossFit when I go for my workouts - it’s 4 miles away. Eventually, I want to be able to do 6 miles or 10k without stopping. My goal is to do that by February. After that, I want to do a half marathon. I will end my stay in America by running a half marathon. Why? Because by then, I’ll be able to. 

Did I mention that I HATE running?

I love dessert. I love chocolate. So to find a chocolate dessert that’s relatively healthy, paleo and tastes good is fabulous to me. My friend and CrossFitting buddy Mary pointed me to the direction of this recipe. I would have this with whipped coconut cream. Yummo!!

YOU NEED:

2 ripe avocados
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/4 cup raw agave
2 tablespoon coconut oil
1 tsp vanilla extract

YOU DO:

Whip it all up in a food processor, spoon into a small serving bowl, and top with a little coconut whipped cream and berries if you wish. So freaking yummy!!

Coconut Whipped Cream

YOU NEED:

12-16 oz coconut milk or coconut cream
1 - 1.5 Teaspoons Vanilla Extract
1/4 cup raw agave
1-4 tablespoon coconut flour

YOU DO

Chill the cans of coconut milk overnight in the fridge

Open the cans, drain off the clear liquid and transfer the cream to a chilled bowl

Beat the thick coconut cream in the chilled bowl with a hand mixer until thick and fluffy

Add the vanilla, then gradually beat in the agave and coconut flour, 1 or 2 Tbsp at a time, testing for flavor and consistency

*please note: these are not my photographs*